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Sep. 17th, 2006 @ 08:12 am My side of the story--please read!
Many of you are on my friends list because you are tbone's friends, and you may have read his recent posts about our lawn. I just wanted to give my side of the story, because I don't what everyone to think I am some slave driver or obessesive compulsive neat freak, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Let me start by saying I love my husband, more that he probably knows. As far as being a wife goes, I try but I know that I am FAR far less than perfect, and last week I had a bad week. I have a few "issues" I am wrestling with which I don't feel like going into. The argument with the lawn has been an ongoing thing, probably since we've lived here. I know that Brian hates the lawn, and I am not sure when we decided he would be the one to care for it. Even though I've offered to take over lawn duties, he has said he should do it. In my defense, I take care of weeding the front flowerbeds although I don't do that very well. For the most part, I think he's done a great job, and even though he hates it, he's out there once or twice a week mowing it.

We only have automatic sprinklers in our front yard. Our backyard has more weeds than grass, but that's been okay, too. I wish we would spend the money and get automatic sprinklers in the backyard, because as it is it probably gets watered about twice a month in the summer, and you can imagine what it looks like after a summer of 100 degree heat. Recently, my sister and bro-in-law gave me some money to get the front yard sprayed for weeds and fertilized, something they were going to do themselves for me in exchange for babysitting my nephew last spring but never got around to before they moved. So, I used the money towards paying for a professional service to come take care of the yard in the front. The lawn was just starting to look green, and the weeds were dying away, when the irrigation line went wonky. We still have about a month of irrigation water available. Considering that I paid a fair amount of money to get the front yard in shape, I don't think it is unreasonable that I want the irrigation line fixed so that we can at least have the front yard looking a bit nicer before fall. Plus, if we don't get it fixed now it could be even more expensive to fix in the spring. What if there is a crack in the line which get worse once it freezes? And then there is the fact that we live in a subdivision and we could have to pay a fine for letting the lawn go brown before its time. Again, this is stuff I've offered to take care of myself but Brian insists he will take care of it. And I trust him.

I only mentioned selling the house because I don't want Brian to have to take care of the lawn which he hates. It's something we've talked about before, the fact that if we ever do move into another place it will definately either have no lawn or such suberb landscaping that it will take care of itself. We live in a desert, and the soil is pretty much alkaline clay. Weeds are the only things that flourish and you must have the patience of a saint to make anything other than dandelions grow. I realize it would be fool-hardy to move into an apartment, and pay rent when we have equity built up. I was thinking more a townhouse or condo anyway. I just wanted to make it easier on Brian, and eliminate this argument over the lawn we keep stumbling into over and over again. Don't you get so tired of fighting over one stupid thing that the best thing is to just eliminate it from your lives all together?

It's been a hard week for me, too. I don't like arguing with my husband, but sometimes things just come to a head, and you have to deal with it. Besides, I don't think the whole issue has been "the lawn". You have no idea the other things that Brian and I talk about, or fight about, or agree on. We don't get it right all the time, but we get it right more than we get it wrong. That's what makes our relationship great, and what makes our family great. Please don't judge me, or us, because of one bad week. I am not petty, just human, not perfect in the least. But I love my husband, and I am doing what I can, just as he is, to fix this.
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From:jmkoenig
Date:September 17th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
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I am not real sure why you feel you have to defend yourself. You did nothing wrong. You want something done right and your tired of seeing it wrong. Don't worry about what other people say or do. They are not married to you, so they don't have to answer to you. Maybe that advice coming from me is not the best right now. But I think you understand my point.
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From:gromko
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:34 am (UTC)
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Yes, I do understand. I guess I just woke up in a mood, and I felt like responding. Sometimes it just helps to get things off your chest. It's not so much about what other people think, but more about what tbone thinks, because I know he will probably read this and either understand or be angry. I think he will probably understand, though.
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From:playfulspirit
Date:September 17th, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC)
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Don't you get so tired of fighting over one stupid thing that the best thing is to just eliminate it from your lives all together?

*nods head* J's briefcase on the table. For whatever reason it drives me insane and I get incredibly snippy about it. Especially when I'm trying to clean house and am also having to pickup the miscellaneous piles of mail that are left on the coffee table, the dining room table, the counter, the end table, and floor. I occasionally have fantasies of throwing the briefcase out the window. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no less guilty of leaving crap around the house and driving him nuts (usually unfinished cans of soda or glasses of water and shoes), which is why I can't get TOO irritated with him about it.

So, I used the money towards paying for a professional service to come take care of the yard in the front. The lawn was just starting to look green, and the weeds were dying away, when the irrigation line went wonky.

Yikes, how frustrating that must feel. Murphy's Law in affect (or is that effect, I can never remember which is which).

As far as being a wife goes, I try but I know that I am FAR far less than perfect

If there is a perfect wife out there, I vote we hunt her down and shave her head, because I'll certainly never be one.

It's easy to get caught up into the moment when you only hear one side. Brian obviously loves you very much and sometimes it is just necessary to have a sounding board.
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From:moonsend
Date:September 18th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)
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re: the briefcase- *LOL* I've so nearly done that with my husband's shoes and his laptop. In fact, I *have* kicked his shoes both out the back and front doors and down the stairs to the basement so I'd stop tripping on them. (Can you tell I've done it several times! ha!)

I totally agree on the perfect wife thing... if anyone here finds her, let us all know and we'll hunt her down together!
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From:playfulspirit
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:15 pm (UTC)
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I can see it now.

"Honey? Where are my shoes?"

"Check the basement"

"What are they doing in the basement?"

"Well, it was either that or I tie the shoelaces together and throw them over the nearest telephone pole wire."
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From:gromko
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:13 am (UTC)
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Thank you for responding. (That sounds overly formal, but I sincerely appreciate your input) *big cheesy, but sincerely grateful grin*

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From:happyjenn97
Date:September 17th, 2006 06:44 pm (UTC)
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Are the subdivision rules such that you have to have a lawn? Or could you put in desert landscaping (rocks, succulents, etc.)? Just a thought...
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From:gromko
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)
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That's a good idea. (I love the idea of "drought tolerant" plants). I think we could do a lot with landscaping and reduce a lot of the existing lawn. It seems like such as daunting task, though. I don't even know where to begin.
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From:playfulspirit
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:12 pm (UTC)
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Friends and family. Seriously. That's what we did right before the wedding. We had my parents, J's parents and step-parents, my maid of honor, another friend and my Aunt and Auncle come down and help us. Of course, we were tearing out the plants and putting in grass (ironic don't you think?). I prefer mowing and watering over weeding to be honest, which is why our fully plant landscaped yard (well, okay, plant and WEED landscaped yard) ended up being removed and grass was put in. Of course the grass is brown now, but it actually worked out well in the end because it will be rented pretty soon which means that the renters only have to mow and water.

What was my point.... oh yeah, get friends and family to help. Like I told tbone in his entry, just feed and water them throughout the day and they'll keep working! :)
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From:sooguy
Date:September 17th, 2006 11:36 pm (UTC)

My sincerest apologies...

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I apologize if my comments in Brian's journal upset you. I meant no offense by it. I was just overacting to his version of events.

No where in his post does he mention that "he hates" taking care of the lawn. He only bitched about having to fix the irrigation. He also made it sound like the lawn was an issue about appearances, not practicality.

Your version of events sound much more realistic. As a husband myself, I completely understand that a marriage has a lot of issues going on and that one influences the other.

Please don't think I disrepect you or your marriage. Men like to complain and get sympathy from other men. Personally I try not to complain too much about my marital issues in my LJ for just this reason, that people may take them the wrong way.

Good luck with the lawn and the relationship. All the best. No hard feelings.
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From:gromko
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:29 am (UTC)

Re: My sincerest apologies...

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Appology accepted. I really wasn't that upset. Obviously the "petty" comment hit a nerve, but that's okay. By getting my side of the story out, tbone was able to read my post, and I think we both understand better how one another feels. So, I guess in a way your and everyone's comments helped, and I should say thanks. Go figure.
I don't feel like you were disrespecting our marriage, and I see where you were probably just offering a sympathetic ear and a little support, which is admirable and understandable in both respects.
Thanks for the well wishes. I have confidence that the relationship will outlive the lawn regardless of whether the sprinklers ever get fixed or not.
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From:moonsend
Date:September 18th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
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The more I read about you and Tbone, the more I think you guys are so similar to my husband and I.

We have had issues that I'd love to be able to just eliminate from our lives totally... and if I could I would. I believe in learning to pick your battles, and if common ground can't be won, find an alternative... like moving into a place with no lawn.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just hire out all the things we didn't want to do? *sigh*

So yeah, no judgement here. In fact, I nearly jumped to your defense until my computer crashed and closed the window and by the time I had it all up and running again I'd spaced it entirely.
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From:gromko
Date:September 18th, 2006 04:39 am (UTC)
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Thanks for understanding. I totally agree it would be much easier if we could just hire someone else to take care of the yard--maybe when we win the lottery.